Growing My Own Arty Jokes

I know, I know: even by the standards of the titles I give these blog entries, that one’s a real shocker but, as always, it should at least give you some clue as to the content of the post to follow and its tenuous link to radio comedy.

I was at Broadcasting House one day, chatting about what I planned to be doing during the summer months while the topical shows I contributed to were off the off the air and one of my colleagues, a blunt Yorkshireman (is there any other kind?), remarked ‘Gardening? You don’t seem the type!’

I’m not sure exactly what the ‘type’ is but it’s hardly unusual for writers with a connection to radio humour to be have an interest in gardening. The prolific Mat Coward, author of the highly-acclaimed Pocket Essential Classic Radio Comedy, has been a regular contributor to Organic Gardening magazine since its inception exactly 20 years ago, while the first novel by Lynne Truss was called With One Lousy Free Packet of Seed and actually came with one attached to the cover (plus, I am sure, some perfect punctuation).

One of the questions I am most frequently asked at speaking engagements is who are my favourite comedians? I’m sure those asking always expect me to run off a long list of classic sitcom stars and stand-ups but I always answer that, although my influences are people renowned for using humour effectively, they are not always people you would think off as comedians. Groucho Marx certainly was a comic but the late Blaster Bates was a brilliantly funny speaker while Patrick ‘Call My Bluff’ Campbell was a wonderful purveyor of written wit which his stammer prevented from delivering (except in the smallest of doses) on TV. And then there is Geoffrey Smith.

I think that name always takes them by surprise but when I was listening to Gardeners’ Question Time circa 1994, just after the entire panel left to present Classic FM’s Classic Gardening Forum, the incoming independent production company put together a new team which included Mr Smith and I loved his off-the-cuff humour. Many great laughs in the current shows come from County Down’s vegetable-hating John Cushnie.

But vegetable growing is what I hope to be doing again this year (at my girlfriend Val’s place; I don’t think the Residents’ Association in the block where I live would appreciate it if I started digging up the communal gardens to put runner beans in). The weather in 2007 meant a washout for gardeners all over the UK and it probably also cost me a lot of creative ideas.

You see, another question I get asked a lot at talks is whether all comedians are depressives (audiences always think about Hancock and Spike Milligan in this regard). I answer that some seem to be, some don’t; then I go on to explain that creating humour is not a 9 – 5 job; whether you are a performer or a writer, you are always thinking about that next joke, observation – or magazine article! Whether you are walking along the street, doing the shopping or waiting for a train, you are constantly mulling over ideas and this distraction may look like depression to the outside world.

Which reminds me of the time when my late mother visited her local corner shop shortly after my extrovert younger brother. The shopkeeper spoke very good English but had an occasional, slightly unusual turn of phrase.

‘Your jovial son has just been here’, he said.
‘Ah’, replied my mother, ‘As opposed to the miserable bugger?’

And if I’m up to my knees in mud and stinking of compost and nettle juice feed, I can concentrate on humorous ideas and no-one accuses me of looking depressed because no-one wants to come near me at all.

(Reprinted from the Radio Magazine Issue 837, 23 April 2008)